It’s probably safe to say that we all have had, at one time or another, the desire to “fix” our life. I know I have and through these phases and stages, I’ve learned a lot — not just about ways to “fix” my life, but also, why I feel I need to.
So in my personal experience, I’ve come to discover that when I have a strong urge to make improvements in my life, it has, looking back, most often been when I’ve felt stuck or in a rut. Doing some self-awareness checks, it dawned on me one day that when ever I’ve felt this urge to change something, it was mostly because I had become too comfortable in my daily routine…and routine is often code for “rut.” I was bored, annoyed, feeling a bit stuck and once I realized this, I became preoccupied with making change — something was missing, askew, off, wrong and surely, that meant I had to re-invent my entire life.
So off I would go, reading articles and resources on how to improve my life — clearly, my life wasn’t fulfilled because I didn’t ______________ (fill in the blank). I joined groups, went on retreats, took sailing lessons — I did a lot because I had determined those things would make my life what it was meant to be…right?
After a while though, I kind of slid back into the rut, despite the sailing lessons, the retreats and the hot air balloon excursion over Mt. Fuji. So then what was the problem? Those things were supposed to complete me and make me feel whole again…so why didn’t they? I know…its because the real problem was my relationships! It was my friends who were to blame for holding me back…the bunch of losers!
Oh no, it wasn’t…
At the time I determined it was someone else’s fault, I realized that the true fault was squarely on me. It wasn’t my friends, nor was it the absence of adventure tours in some far flung local. The truth is, I was to blame for the rut, because no one but ourselves are responsible for our own happiness. It is we who let ourselves get stuck and it is up to “we” to get ourselves out of that rut.
And that’s what it was…an epiphany. It was like a bright, beautiful dawning of realization that if I wasn’t happy, I had to be the one to change. No one is going to make us truly, deeply happy, just like taking sailing lessons or going on a trip to the moon isn’t going to make us happy — it may cause a feeling of happiness, but those are usually fleeting. True, real and lasting happiness, comes from within and it starts with the realization that we have to do some really deep soul searching to find out who we are — to know our self so well, that we know exactly what it is we need to feel whole and complete.
So…what is that?
The truth is, I don’t know what it is for anyone but myself and that’s the way it’s supposed to be. No one can tell us what will make us truly happy and the journey we’re on is one of self-discovery. What make you have real and lasting happiness, isn’t what will give that to your best friend. It’s different for all of us. But the beautiful thing is, we all have within us the ability to find that path which takes us to sustained and true happiness. The secret to finding that path? Soul searching, careful and deep thought, mindfulness and of course, the acceptance that our happiness is up to us and on one else. We have that incredible power within us and every single person on this planet has the ability to attain life-long happiness…the first step, is to have that epiphany.
“You were born with the seeds of success and happiness, but nobody else but yourself could plant them in your life.” ―
“No one else can make you happy, and putting that expectation on the other will doom both of you. You don’t look at someone and say, “You can make my life better.” You look at someone and say, ” I can make your life better.” Be a blessing, not a burden.” ― Penelope Douglas
“I hear some people say, ‘I need someone who could love me and make me happy.’ The fact is, if you are not already happy with yourself, no one on earth would bring happiness in your life. If you are lacking self-love, no amount of love from others could fill up the emptiness in your heart. People for the most part can only bring some pleasurable moments in your life. However, people can disappoint, but self-love is forever unconditional.” ―