Toxic emotions and habits pose a serious threat to our happiness and even our health. Bitterness, or, “resentment,” are particularly dangerous, because they take us off our path of the present and trap us in the past.
Resentment is a common problem and we all feel it at some point or another. We are after all, only human and as such, we are fallible and make mistakes. But recognizing that we are feeling bitter or resentful, is what we need to work towards. Once we acknowledge that we’re feeling resentful, we are in a position to do something about it.
Job 5:2 tells us that “For wrath killeth the foolish man, and envy slayeth the simple one.” Wrath of course, is the same as resentment, because if we let resentment fill our hearts, we eventually feel wrath.
There are many more teachings in the Bible that show us that bitterness and resentment are bad and we should avoid getting caught up in squabbles and disharmony.
So how do we know if resentment is bubbling up inside of us? What do we look for to know that we’re going down a path of toxicity? Fortunately, some key indicators are easy to spot, including:
Ruminating on a particular past event or person and becoming angry and distracted. When we dwell on something that a person may have done or said and we feel ourselves becoming agitated, its a clear sign we’re letting resentment build. When this is happening, we become more and more upset and we start to rationalize the need to lash out.
Pathological need to be right. No one likes to be wrong, but the truth is, we are often wrong. But if you’re someone who needs to always be in the right and always needs to “win” an argument, resentment will build, especially if the other person is the same — when two people who always need to be right disagree, it often leads to anger, resentment/bitterness and a need for revenge.
The inability to forgive and move on. This is a big one, because if we can’t let it go and forgive the other person and even our self, how can we move on? Hanging on keeps us stuck in the anger, bitterness and resentment.
The problem with unchecked resentment is that when we act on it, such as confronting someone angrily or spreading malicious gossip about them, we’re ignoring God’s will. God specifically commands us to not seek revenge or hold grudges and we are of course, never to harm another — and that means not harming with our actions or our words.
Rejecting bitterness, resentment and revenge is vitally important to our physical, mental and spiritual health and while it may be hard to let go, particularly if someone has wronged us, that is precisely what we are called upon to do.
So, the question is, how do we let go of bitterness and resentment? There are quite a few ways, but here are a couple to prime the pump of forgiveness”
- Freely admit to yourself that you do feel hurt. Accept it and don’t push it away — instead, acknowledge it and through patience and prayer, work through it. Determine why it is you feel hurt and even write it down. Once you’ve let some time pass, tackle it and remember that God wants us to be forgiving, kind, patient and peacemakers.
“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you”. – Ephesians 4:32
- Remember who you want to be as a person. Remember your values and think about how you would want someone to forgive you. Think about your hopes and dreams and how bitterness drags you down. Once we think on the damage resentment does to our personal peace and happiness, we start to see that letting go of it is in our best interest too.
- Live in the moment. Dwelling on the past often leads to stress and anxiety in the now, so when we feel we have unresolved resentment, focusing on the moment takes our mind back to the right path. By being more mindful and in the present, we can then better determine how we will let go of the resentment and resolve to be the happy, confident people we are meant to be.
Colossians 3:23 teaches us “Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men…” Being a positive person focused on the good in life takes effort, but the rewards are many. Toxic feelings and attitudes drags us backwards at a time we all need to be focused on moving forward toward a more kind, caring world.
