A common question heard asked these days is “what has happened to civility?” Indeed, what has happened to it? Where is the courtesy and respect we once afforded to friends and stranger alike? Is it now lost forever, only to be replaced with open hostility? Is a state of agitation our new normal?
A lot of very smart folks are trying to answer this question as we speak. Psychologists, Sociologists, the Clergy and media pundits are all trying to find out what has happened to politeness and civility in everyday life. Heck, even politicians are asking where it’s gone to…which is kind of hypocritical of them, wouldn’t you say? I mean it’s no secret that what is diving us is politics and what is intensifying the problem is the media — print, online, social, etc. But yeah, I think we can safely say that the politicians themselves have caused this rift and they’ve done so purely to advance themselves — they’ve done it, to hang onto power. Throw in Facebook and Twitter and its a recipe for a breakdown in common courtesy and civility.
I’ll elaborate on this…
Take political candidate Joe Schmoe. Joe is running for Congress and he faces stiff competition from his opponent, Sally Pureright. So what does Joe do to win? Well, he hires all sorts of “advisors” who get paid a good deal of money to help him win…those advisors, unfortunately, tell candidate Joe to come out swinging — to use a scorched earth policy and completely discredit candidate Sally Pureright. Now the political party backing Joe jumps in and puts the pressure on, because his win is their win and they throw gas on the fire. Sally has her own advisors and they had hoped to run on her accomplishments, but the attacks being made against her must be addressed…so they dig up dirt on candidate Joe and…well, you know what happens — it just escalates. Now, since both parties have created armies of loyal members on either side, those armies (us), proceed to take sides, because as we know, Americans love a good competition. Before you know it, everyone is on social media sharing posts, attacking the other “guy” and generally, doing battle with each other, until the divide just grows wider and wider.
Isn’t That Politics?
In short, no, it’s not. Politics has always been dirty, but now, it’s downright filthy and chaotic. Social media and smart phones now enable us to post our opinions and share memes, spreading lies and half-truths, all in the name of getting our side to win the election. And you know what? Maybe the people supporting candidate Joe are clueless as to whether he is even qualified. And those supporting candidate Sally never bother to ask if the attacks she makes on Joe are even valid. Who cares though, right? Well, we all should, because at the end of the day, we, the American people, engage in battle, all based on political ideology and hype, and we never even bother to find out if our candidate is any good…maybe the other “guy” is the best candidate? We no longer care, because now, every campaign is dirty and filled with lies and conspiracy theories and we end up electing people who have no business governing. And that leads us to…
We’re Being Divided and Dividing Ourselves…
Civility has taken a back seat to open hostility in large part because we’re allowing ourselves to be divided, whether we consciously realize it or not. By letting it happen and falling victim to this trap, by default, we’re dividing ourselves — everyone on a team…all on a side…no more middle ground. Courtesy, kindness and tolerance are in short supply, because we’ve replaced them with anger, bitterness and paranoia — all primarily stirred up by politicians and the media.
This is making its way around social media and sadly, I don’t know the original author, but it is very timely:
We may not agree.
We may not see eye to eye.
We may not have the same beliefs.
We may not have the same priorities.
We may not view things the same way.
That doesn’t mean I don’t care what you think.
That doesn’t mean we can’t get along.
That doesn’t mean you are any less deserving of my kindness
In a world where opinions seem to be dividing us more and more, let’s remember our humanity.
Let’s treat others the same way we want to be treated.
We don’t need to agree…but, we should always be kind.
Indeed, we should always be kind, polite and civil. Short of someone’s views being violent, radical or bigoted, why should we be threatened because someone else has differing social and political views than our own? How can we each expect others to respect our personal views, when we’re not prepared to do the same for them? Returning to a state of harmony is very possible — it starts with each of us. We all need to stop allowing others to create a divide by simply refusing to participate in their war of words and wills. Each of us needs to treat others the way we want to be treated and it could very well mean you have to take the first step and be the bigger person. If we put our minds to it, we an fix this mess, but only if we each make a firm commitment to doing so. Enough with the negativity…the time to return to optimism and hope is now.
What We Can All Do
There are a lot of things we can do to prevent politics from dividing us and there are some articles at the bottom of this post that touches on those solutions. However, here are some of the steps/strategies that work for me:
1. Limit your consumption of news. This 24×7 unending “breaking news” cycle is caused by the news outlets themselves. Recognizing this and the fact that they need to fill the air with content, I accept that they have a tendency to hype…well, pretty much everything. I limit my consumption of the news and rely more on print news and go only to trusted, non-biased sources online. In other words, I avoid all left and right leaning news sources. The same goes for social media — there are many who believe that social media is a time suck…I’m one of those people. Just because someone posts it, doesn’t make it true.
2. Consider the source. The truth is, left leaning news will skew it their way and right leaning news will do the same in their direction — that is just a fact. Overall, consider the source and accept that somewhere in the middle is the truth.
3. Verify. Why do so many American read a headline and the first few lines of a story and then draw a conclusion or believe it? Headlines are almost always hyped. Don’t be spoon fed your truth — verify the story by using google and reading multiple sources — this is especially important for “major” news stories.
4. Enough with the politics. Life is so much more than politics. Why are so many of our fellow citizens so consumed with politics? Its scary — some people can’t do anything but talk politics. Enough. Not everything is about politics, so just accept that and find something else to focus on and talk about.
5. Don’t be a hypocrite. So, you think your political viewpoint is the right one and you expect others to listen to you and see it your way? Then you need to be prepared to do the same, because if we expect others to let us have our viewpoints, we need to then let them have theirs.
6. Reject hysteria, hate and paranoia. Enough with the conspiracy theories…sometimes, things really are just plain and simple and believe it or not, when one side tries to paint the opposing party as the party of pure, unadulterated evil…they’re lying. Because of this scorched earth policy politicians are using, of course they’re going to make outlandish claims about the other side…the key word is outlandish. Just refuse to be caught up in their drama.
7. Get involved. I can’t tell you how many people I know who talk politics non-stop and who get worked up into a lather over every little thing, only to discover they don’t even vote, or they’ve never once contacted their elected representatives. The fact is, even if your elected member of Congress is in the opposing party to your own, he or she is still there to represent you, so let them know what you expect — write or call them and express your views…that’s how it works. If someone can’t even get involved in our actual governance, how can that person sit there and espouse political views to one and all? If we’re going to talk politics, we need to be an informed, involved member of our democracy.
8. Be polite, courteous, tolerant. There is no reason to create or accept hostility. I try to always chat nonchalantly about politics and I accept that most likely, I’m not going to change their mind, just as they may not change mine. So, rather than having negativity and animosity, I maintain a level of friendliness…no reason to let a discussion about everyday politics ruin my day or theirs.
“I really have to thank Facebook … I didn’t know what Facebook was, and now that I do know what it is, I have to say, it sounds like a huge waste of time. I would never say the people on it are losers, but that’s only because I’m polite. People say ‘But Betty, Facebook is a great way to connect with old friends.’ Well at my age, if I wanna connect with old friends, I need a Ouija Board. Needless to say, we didn’t have Facebook when I was growing up. We had phonebook, but you wouldn’t waste an afternoon with it.” – Betty White
“Rudeness is the weak person’s imitation of strength.” – Eric Hoffer
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