At one time or another, all of us have put undue pressure on other people and even on ourselves. We know we shouldn’t do this, and we vow that we won’t, but ultimately, we usually forget and end up doing so.
So how do we stop?
There is nothing wrong with setting and having expectations of others and of our self. We expect people to behave in a certain way and if that way is reasonable and not too judgemental or restrictive, then it should be fine. But what about when we put pressure on people and we make demands of them, without first knowing what they may be experiencing or how they feel? What if we expect more out of someone than is actually fair and reasonable…or even doable?
Unfortunately, the original author of the following piece is not known, but its a good lesson in understanding what it means to see the other person’s perspective.
The moral is— you can’t see the pressure the other person is under, and the other person can’t see the pain you’re in. This is life, whether it’s with work, family, feelings or friends, we should try to understand each other. Learn to think differently, perhaps more clearly and communicate better. A little thought and patience goes a long way. (Author unkown)
The man is trying to help the woman who, while grateful, is scared and perhaps not thinking straight. The man too is wondering why the woman isn’t doing more — each doesn’t see the pressure the other is under. Just like in every day life, each has expectations that perhaps in ideal circumstances are perfectly valid, but in daily reality, aren’t.
As the moral of the story points out, we don’t always know what pressure people are under. We are often unaware of what people are going through and while we’re not expected to be mind readers, if we approach people with kindness and understanding, we’re more apt to be compassionate.
One way in which we can stop putting too many demands on people, is to try and see their worldview — to consider that they may be under a great deal of stress and anxiety. If we consider other people’s lives, experiences and perspectives, we’re much more apt to tread lightly — this way, we’re engaging gently and not harshly.
