Anyone who’s ever had a conversation with pretty much anyone, knows that gaslighting is something we’re all guilty of at some point and to some degree — but, some folk are just more guilty of it more of the time. Manipulation isn’t pleasant.
What Is Gaslighting?
In short, gaslighting is a manipulation technique that can cause us to question our own belief and experiences as being potentially untrue. It can be intentional or not, but it typically happens when someone gives us patently false information and tells us that what we know to be true, is actually incorrect — gaslighters continues to use these techniques until we’re no longer sure what’s real and what’s not (at least that’s what they hope will happen).
This overt manipulation is very hurtful, deeply unsettling and frustrating, because the sole aim is to get us to doubt ourselves and our own realities.
Sadly, some people thrive on gaslighting and they see no harm in doing so. People who habitually lie, manipulate and twist the truth, often suffer from serious personality disorders and one needs to be very wary of such people.
Responding to gaslighting can be empowering because when we do, we are consciously refusing to accept the false narrative that the other person is trying to force on us. Addressing it directly is a great way for us to maintain our self-respect and confidence.
Here are a few responses to consider in order to set boundaries with people who manipulate us and try to get us to question our own beliefs:
“I see that your perspective is different, so we can just move on.”
“I realize you feel strongly, but my feelings are valid too.”
“I’m not comfortable with how you’re characterizing the situation.”
“If you keep calling me names, I’m simply going to leave the room.”
“I realize you disagree with me, but this is how I see it.”
“I’m not interested in having my words twisted, so lets just leave it where it is.”
“I’m confident in how I feel and I’m not changing my opinion.”
“I’m not open to arguing with you over something I have directly experienced”
“We’re both intelligent people, but you don’t seem willing to accept that I trust my own knowledge on the issue.”
“I’m happy to speak with you more on this issue when we can both do so respectfully.”
- Speaking in a clear, factual voice, making sure to avoid hyperbole
- Maintaining eye contact with the other person
- Keeping a confident posture
- Avoiding accusatory language and over using “you” too much — its better to speak from the “I” point of view
- Share how their actions impact you — without accusing, let them know how it makes you feel when they engage in gaslighting
We have a great deal of gaslighting going on these days and we see it daily in politics and across the various media platforms. Its a terrible form of deceit and manipulation and the good news is, more people are picking up on it and rejecting it outright.
“Gaslighting is mind control to make victims doubt their reality.” — Tracy Malone
